I know it has been a while since I wrote on here. Well the short answer is I am pregnant! I have been SO tired and sick for the past 2 1/2 months. I have pretty much been sleeping all the time and I could barely sit up for any amount of time. I just found out that we are having a son! I am nervous and excited in equal parts. This is my first child. I love children but I'm not super into babies. I have always wanted to have children but I was not able to because of my mental and physical illnesses. We waited a lot longer than I would have wanted to, but it doesn't matter now. Right before I got pregnant I was actually looking into adopting from Korea or China's special needs program. (These children have disabilities but I was mostly interested in clef palette or lip, autism or albinism or learning disabilities) I did a lot of research and unfortunately it was just too expensive. The average adoption from these areas is 35,000$ or more. It was just a little too high for our family to afford. I have been feeling better for about a year and a half now, and my plan was to adopt early 2020. I was heartbroken and it was a very upsetting thing for me. But I realized I felt comfortable with possibly having my own children. But I also planned to start trying early 2020 if we decided we for sure wanted that.
I was more interested in adoption due to my mental illnesses, I was afraid a child I would have would possibly have schizophrenia and the thought of that was very hard on me. I have been talking to my psychologist and psychiatrist and they assure me, I will be able to help my child with any mental problems. They told me I will know what signs to look for, and I will be more sensitive to their needs. Obviously this is still a worry for me, and I question the fairness of bringing a child into that life. But this was not a planned pregnancy and I could never give him up. I am going to talk about my symptoms here in case someone is having these symptoms as well and need to know its normal and ok. Obviously most of you may not be interested in this, so just stop reading here.
